Falling from the deep edge seems fun, until your three seconds from skewering yourself on sharp rocks. I guess I've loaded up on assumption, and I wonder if I'll be able to achieve all of it. Of course, this isn't anything new or uncommon. I have struggled for a time to prove myself at my craft, and I'm sitting like the irresponsible child people claim me to me, wondering if I can cross the finish line. I know I have the ability, but I do not know if I am simply creative enough. Even w/o lack of creativity, I have a habit of shutting down when I'm overwhelmed. (like a fucking computer)
My narcissistic tendencies tend to lead me into failure. I don't want Kira to have to pick up my slack. That's my skill after all, leaving behind slack. I try to carry the weight of the world, and I end up dropping and forgetting about the important things in the process. It's not my fault they've made bad decisions and let their empathy get in the way. So I've had to sacrifice many things, and I don't want credit or sympathy. I would just like...to turn around and deal with the things in life that matter to me. Kira, our lives, our personal careers. Just like our twenty minute short that needs to be done. In the long run and bigger picture, it dosen't matter. But I need to fulfil these basic wants to be able to even think effectively again.
I understand my responsibilities well, and I'm not leaving them or the "group" behind. But for the time being, I think I need to calm down. Cool my circuits. I am not abandoning my post, but I need to pursue my own objectives before my shoulders are ready for that type of weight again.
So much for growing up.