I have forgotten more faces than I care to think about. I have shattered more lives than I should have. I am hated by more than a few people. And none of it really affects me. Caring about those outside my circle is not my prerogative. I don't really see the point. My antagonist nature has gotten me this far, what more could I ask for?
I just...constantly wonder about my station in life. Am I going to spend the rest of it sitting behind the counter of our comic/anime shop, entering into dozens upon dozens of film festivals, never really retaining any status? Are me and Kira going to never open a shop, entering into said festivals, and sleeping on friends couches? I have done all I can, but I sometimes wonder if I have enough talent or ambition to move myself out of the dirt. I've tried and tried to plan, but of course, none of that works. Plans are basically useless. I've worked as hard as possible, but I wonder if that will ever be enough.
I can not live my life in a dead-end nine-to-five, I don't have the mental capacity for it. Ya know, fucked in the head? I would end up shooting them or myself. So instead of whining, I'm trying to do something about it. Even with Kira and K+T and Daki-sama's compliment, I don't think I'm good enough. So the real question is, is pure ambition enough to earn ten-thousand dollars a year? Kami-sama, I hope so.
And, as always, I'm roused from my thoughts by something, a phone call. From Kira, of course. So, I'm brought back into the here and now, to the stress and the smaller picture, to live out my life in rash decisions. I just hope I make the right ones.