My arms are posed at my sides, and I don't risk moving. I have become the puppet of certain casualties, only because I'm so willing to risk my own mind for this simple peace that I've been yearning for. I nod and smile like a machine just so I can make it to the next hour, to be disgusted by my own disease. I would do so many things to have the simple solace I absorbed during a simpler time.
I've forgotten what it's like to feel much of anything. I've become numb to all that surrounds me here, just because it's so much easier to close my eyes and forget all my principles. It's "easier" to lose all of pride...all simply for a promise.
A promise that it will allow me to disappear from everything I loathe and burn my own forest. All I wish to do is leave all of these petty, ignorant, monotonic idiocrasis behind. I want to lock myself away with Kira so I can watch the kingdom go down in flames. I'm simply tired of putting it out, tired of resolving things that do not concern me.
Is it worth it? Is it worth it to be locked in these binds, just so I can have my solace? Just so I can have my drug? I'll keep my mouth shut, and my spirit suffocated, because it's all I can do. Because all I can do is cry to myself, because all I can do is sit here and rot. For a promise. A fucking promise I can hardly believe anymore.
So sitting here, crying and whining like a fucking child with a skinned knee, is all I can do to keep myself sane. I'm sorry.