Sitting playing with playdoh, hidden away on a shaded corner of the playground. Or just talking about what little children shouldn't have to talk about. Kira was always my support, always the only one who actually cared about. I'd find myself alone in misery, and he would always be There. A mop of messy blonde hair with green sparkling eyes shining thru, smiling as he showed me something new and interesting.
The odd looks (which I now understand; still don't care, but understand) that we got, two little boys holding hands, hugging. Kira saving me and protecting me when I was getting beat up; him caring for me when he wasn't there to protect me. Me doing the same. Even then, I could feel the emptiness, the lack of any real innocence...but Kira made me feel as if it were there. He gave me his own empathy.
I remember saying goodbye on the last day of fifth grade. That would be the last time we saw each other as children.
Sometime during the first few weeks of my freshman year. I was sitting on the bridge behind our school. Huge leather trench in eighty degree weather, refusing to take it off. Adorned in black make-up, a fishnet shirt, a studded collar, the ol' "Terry McGinnis" haircut. I heard a curious and amused voice call out my last name. I droned some sort of sarcastic retort the best I could with a clove cigarette hanging out the side of my mouth, and lethargically lifted my head. I tried to bite away my enchantment as I saw the only person that ever cared about me staring back at me. Even then I didn't understand the light feeling in my stomach. Although dressed in similar clothes to me with a sarcastic smirk on his face, his eyes still sparkled of that childhood innocence. I couldn't help but gasp his name as I held back tears. I could feel a piece of myself die, looking into his eyes as I sat there rotting.
I remember our first kiss, our first time. Playing video games all night long. Reading manga, watching anime, laughing, crying, fighting. Every single moment drowns into me like I just opened my eyes. During these long periods of torment and unease, sometimes closing my eyes and listening is the only way I stay sane.
Let's face it...I probably don't have much time left on this earth. During that time, I would prefer not to waste my time dwelling on unfounded beliefs. I just want to...close my eyes, forget all the rest. It's only Kira that matters.
(030504)