Kill the Spiders to Save the Butterflies.... The Past Make Contact All That Shimmers... A Link to the Past
Masochism and the highest form of Nirvana
2004-01-25 1:25 a.m.

I have come to the realization that almost nothing in life is special. There's nothing out there that really is breath-taking or life affirming. Not on it's own, anyway. Beauty comes when you make it come. Those who are lazy, unwillful, or whine constantly can never see it. I have come to the point where I strain my body to it's limit looking for the gleam in things. I have come to appreciate the existence of living. Every nerve is raw and it feels as if I am on fire. If it didn't feel like that, how would I truly know that I existed?

I have gone thru many things in my life, both painful and sad. But none of them were tragedies.

Life is dark, and painful, and miserable. But in that misery I have come to find my true existence, and so I soak in every ounce of pain with every single cell. If none of these bad things had happened to me, I would just be another unappreciative little brat. If all the people who have died in my life hadn't died, I wouldn't have felt so isolated and created a place for myself. If I didn't have to work for Kira, I probably wouldn't love him as much as I do.

Kira has broken my heart and I have shattered his soul. To truly love someone, it is my experience that you have to want to destroy them with every ounce of your being. Only then can you survive the wrath of heaven. Tears can sometimes be like poison, and sometimes that can heal more than anything else.

Self pity is just a stupid disease for the adolescent. If you can avoid it as much as possible, it would be for the best. There's no time for that.

Stars only sparkle is you look up at them. Hazy eyes deliver you no where. The fire is only bright if you touch it. To be able to experience the beautiful and grand, you must experience the terrible and horrific. Those who can not take both and realize the darkness and the light in both of them, you can never say you got out of the incubator.







+==Destroy Once Done==+