Children
2003-9-22 2:44 a.m.

Sometimes all I can think of is the past. All I can see is a huge smile on a six year old boys face, not realizing how much every weight in the world was five seconds from baring down on him. Then I see the little five year old kid smiling just as bright, whether he was pretending or not. And sometimes I see the pain, the fear, the jealousy, the getting beaten up, all the things I shoulda-coulda done. I never had the luxury of innocence. *laughs* I actually swallowed a bottle of Lisole cleanser coz I wanted to die in MOTHERFUCKING SECOND GRADE!! I suppose things wern't that hard on me. Other people had it worse. I'm just a fucking baby.

And some times I guess I get a little too caught up in the hear and now. Me and Kira have been much more intimete lately. We *like fucking idiots* Couldn't help but running outside to his backyard and fucking. It wasn't sweet tender kisses and shit. It was just...a huge fucking need to know the other was there and that they were okay. Even if it was urgent, from behind (yes yes, you can make fun of me later for acting like a seme and being a little uke boy later, I'm being serious), unlubed, silent as possible, and more than a little bloody, it meant the world to me. We collapsed in a little pile afterwards, content and numb for the moment. Reality was a few miles back, and we just sat on a bench and talked about useless shit for a while. Of course, it all came rushing back much too soon, but it was nice to curl up in his arms and talk about YGO and horror movies and other useless shit, if only for a little bit.

I'm gonna talk to Sempai tomorrow. Get some things straightened out.

FUCK, I suddenly sound like some Yaoi-fangirl fanfic author!! 0_0 *looks at hoards of angry fangirls* HEY!!! I DIDN'T MEAN IT IN A BAD WAY!!!! @_@

+==Destroy Once Done==+