Anou...the day hardly becomes conceivable anymore. I am a boy in that mans world, full of miscreants and selfish, snobby, unappreciative mentors. Those who were suppose to guide me were never there; I have not been introduced to the simple basics that I should have been guided thru as a child. Yet when I trip and I fall, those same people who were suppose to be there to guide me shove sand in my face and yell incoherent words. It's annoying. I'm expect to provide the support of the man and the pliability and command of a child. And after all these years, I've grown bitter of those lip service prayers.
I've forgotten the alienable innocence that still radiates thruout Kira, and I can't lie and say I'm not jealous. He still believes that no one can truly do him harm, and feels it in every vein when somebody hurts another. I can not stand to see his beautiful green eyes dulled with tears; and part of me wants nothing more than to scream and thrash and rip it to pieces and leave a scar where it once stood. The other part of me wants to put him in a shatter-proof little bubble and make sure no one can ever harm him. It's completely nonsensical to me to be able to feel what he can feel. I was left w/o mine ....a long time ago. I can't exactly say I can remember it ever being there. I still have scars on my chest from where I twisted knives there when I was a small child. I was always cold, always apathetic; nothing evoked emotion in me, until Kira woke me up. But him...he can still see all this good and decency in humans when all I can see is a hollow, passionless frame. It brings me to tears to see that beauty in such a stale, dry, trite, sooty world.