I've been on the verge of a breakdown and attack for the last week and a half or so. I can't handle this schedule anymore. It's school, work, school, sitting outside for over an hour on freezing desert nights coz no-one gives a flying fuck about us, work, an hour or two with Kira on the phone, sleep, repeat. I'm dying like this. I'm an unstable little fucking baby, and I can't take being pushed so hard for so long w/o breaks. I mean, even last year wasn't that hard. Emotionally, it sucked, but mentally it was okay. I wasn't being pushed at all; I was just going at my normal, manic (but voluntary) pace; I got Kira for a good six hours a day, even if it was working, we could enjoy each others company; I got feed; I was walking everywhere, so a lot of tension got eased away. Now, I'm working a good two and a half times my limit, where I can't even stand doing my relaxing type work; I have no time with Kira what-so-ever, except for an hour or so on the phone, which I don't even get most of the time because of certain people; I don't get feed; and I don't have any way to get rid of this manic feeling. I'm about to break into tiny pieces. I feel like I did when things were at there worst. I just want to slam my head into some glass. I wanna make everybody pity me. I wanna blow up the school. I wanna kill my mother and Kira's mother. I wanna take any shred of my existence and tear it up. I wanna quit.