I either can't stop laughing or I can't stop crying. My "mood swings" (as I like to call them) have been getting a lot fucking worse lately. I mean, really; I'm too much of a fucking child to find a way to deal w/ it (the manic depresion) and at the same time, I flaunt it as if it's an excuse for everything. I don't deserve much, ne?
This chill is burning needle shaped holes in my skeleton. I can feel the air completely going thru me. Painful, ya know? I hate the sunlight, but FUCK(!) I wish I would thaw myself out. My soul feels like a popsicle. And those two greenest of orbs can't thaw me out, either.
And that's the root of all pain and plesure, ne? It's him. That fucker is the reason I bleed, the reason I laugh, the reason I fight, the reason I smile. It's annoying the control moi Kira-chan holds over me. But I love it all the same.
I really do miss talking to sempai. He gave me a really nice perspective on everything that was bothering me, where as Kira just gives me comfort. I miss the thoughts that Nicolas sorted out for me. Now I just have my own voices to sort everything out with, the little usagi-shaped hole in my brain. And it's making my thoughts a lot more abstract; hell, I can't even understand what the fuck I mean most of the time.
I hate this complete mess of randomness. But this is the only way I know of to untangle myself. So randomness rules this pathetic little realm. Ignore me, I'm just in my a-typical masochistic mood.
Microwave goes beep; sleepy winter time cookies makes Kira smile. Boku no happiness, desu...........