Today...was fun and giggly. It was one of those insignificant days, a lot of whispering and making out. It was very nice. Meaningless fluff. I really enjoyed it.
But now is the downfall of a nice fluffy high. And I feel like I'm gonna cry. It's the result of me not taking any meds. But sometimes, it's pretty fucking bad...it's not as bad as it gets sometimes, but it hurts a lot right now.
It kinda of hit me tonight. I wasn't expecting this at all. I just want to curl up in a little ball with my neko and cry myself to sleep, maybe cut myself a little bit. I don't really understand why I feel this way. It seems to happen when I'm at a certain level of happiness. It feels...like being very cold. And alone. Not in a really explainable way, but kind of alone in myself, alone in my head. Like all the candles have been blown out. Every colour is very monotone and dull. The only things I can hear are sad music kinda lazily drifting and Toonces purring. The only way I can think of describing it as...a melancholyness, like soft crying in your sleep, like disconnecting myself from everything.
The rain is gone now; It's just snow. Very cold and numb, but not in a necessarily painful way. A old TV filled with bittersweet memories, dusty and with the sound off. Like a snowglobe, or a ballerina in a music box.
The pain is...gone now. All that's left is the snow.