The thought of being one of them disgusts/terrifies me. In all honesty, who the hell(get the pun?) would expect a person like me, dirge and yami, to be a kodomo no(child of) hikari? The blood runs down my lips, and the warmth escapes me. I can't feel like it's true. But at the same time, I feel a certain calmness in a sort of--not belonging--but confirmation of this fucking feeling I've had all my life.
I am not normal. I do not feel the things that everybody could tell I'm suppose to. All my life, I have serched and only found two other "outcasts". One of which is my beloved. I have a hard time in believeing, but can it be true? Can all these idiotic rants that we spew in some sort of emotional shitting actually hold a hint of truth in them? It goes against all I have ever thought or believed; and as much as it bothers me, I WANT to believe it. Need to.
I have seen "evidence" to prove it's truth. Too many pieces fall into place with the introduction of this new theory. And pieces of me do believe it. Am I crazy? Is this some sort of psychosis I/we have slipped in to after years of social and self inflicted pain...but I don't believe that, do I?.....
I HATE destiny. I HATE fate. I HATE the idea that my uncertain ceratinty has long been choosen...but that dosen't matter, does it? I am still serching for the answer(s), so I guess w/o saying so, I've already decided.....
I am what I know I am. So is Kira. And Mercutio. 3 of 4. This is my choice. Of all my time hideing in the shadows, I belong somewhere else. And I'm willing to follow this path, as long as I can still taste his blood, and he can taste mine.
I'll always be yami. Just....living thru the hikari.