I'm a sinner without being claimed. The purpose of me being here at this moment is to deny my own truths.
Like a speculative at a courthouse, or a child without his way, I keep bringing up fundamental excuses to discard my own insecurities and disbelief. I just refuse to believe it to be true.
How ignorant of a child could deny the breath escaping his lips. I suppose I am much more ignorant than he. The weights that press against a heavy heart confirm that that heart is still beating.
Unassured escapism born out of guilt. It's all so stupid. I'm such a fool. I know my wings are there, even if they are bat wings. The things that truly differentiate my eyes from the swarms of locusts is exactly what I keep trying to put aside. Why? Why am I still trying so hard to deny my own personal truths? So I can achieve some over-rated standard? So I can be "normal"? (You FUCKING hypocrite)
It's so hard to stop playing pretend. So hard to sit up and understand it's not just a game. No matter how much I want it to be, it's not a means of escape, a belief set to make things easier. It simply is the truth.
I need to realize mine own thorns. I need accept the pain of my own functions. So what if it hurts? Accept it and deal with it. You do want to be different, don't you? Stop pretending. These aren't cardboard prosthetics. They're flesh and blood apparitions. These were never children's games; grow up and learn to accept the pain of your gifts, your tragedies.