Decorative Gravil
2003-6-25 8:14 a.m.

I walked out in the usauly unwelcome unwanted blistering sunshine of this Ra forsaken desert and wanted to stand in it till my skin blistered. It feels like I've been in suspended animation for a millenia, and my bones haven't quite thawed out yet. Everything feels a little wrong and a little different. I don't remember the sky being that yellow...but sigh, now I'm back home surrounded by fans *coz I'm poor* and It's too fucking cold. Mou hitori no boku calls me his little Kowala bear^^...and now it seems were back on that subject. Last nite was weird to say the least...I went to bed crying and I don't even know why. I guess it was the whole Lozo (one of mou hitori no boku's...ack, screw this, I'm just gonna call him Kira...friends) thing. Long story. I just don't understand why such little petty shit hurts me so much. I guess being apathetic for so long, when the one thing I do actually care about (namely Kira) hurts me or bugs me even the tinyest bit, It burns so much more. I don't think he realizes that sometimes. So I sit and cry, wishing I had a razorblade with me to make a tiny bit of the pain go away. I suffer and I wait. I swear, when my cynical shell comes back, I'm gonna be so fucking annoyed w/ how pathetic this is. I fucking swear, you lives so many years proud your blood is no warmer than ice, than some bright innocent kid (namely Kira) comes into your life and your craveing the fucking sun, like some whiney little baby...maybe that cynical shell is already kicking in ^^

+==Destroy Once Done==+