Yesterday...a girl walked up behind me as I read lethargically flipping thru an anime magazine. A girl who once told me she loved me, that she would give anything to be mine. She called my name, and I turned to meet her gaze. Her face became ridden with shock, her eyes filled with tears. "Scion..." She whispered my name.
"Scion..I love you." The girl rocked in her seat and bit her lip, eyes cast down. I, a child of no more then fifteen at the time, didn't respond. "I would like nothing more than for you to take me into your arms, to grow old and have kids with me." Her knuckles turned white from grasping the edge of her chair. "But...your not mine. Your not meant for me." I glanced up at her. "You need someone who you can fight with, laugh with, die young with...someone who can make peace with what you are, the decisions you make, and what you are to become. Do you know who that person is?" I dropped my head, confused with her words. "I'm waiting." I said, not understanding what I really meant. She walked over and kissed me on the cheek, leaving behind black lipstick that would remind me of her words for the next five years.
"You look...so old." I felt complete insecure and at ill ease, being judged so readily under her open gaze. I shrunk away from her. "You've been thru hell, haven't you?" I shoved my hands in my pockets, uncomfortable about being put into a position to explain myself to a girl I hadn't seen in five years. "I've had to live my life a certain way and I don't regret it." I mumbled and turned away from her. Adamant, the girl continued. "But your with someone, aren't you? Is he here with you now?" He? Fuck, does everybody automatically assume I'm a queer? I shock my head. "Oh sempai..." She laid her head on my chest. "I...don't even recognize you. Not anymore. What broke you so bad? Was it worth it? Are you happy?" I laughed a bit, smirking as I tilted my head down at her. "With every single drop of blood in my body, with every passing second of life, I couldn't be happier." She looked up at me and smiled.
Pushing herself away from me, she turned her petite frame to leave. "Well, whoever he is, tell him to take care of my ni-chan." Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. They exactly mirrored Nicolas's words when he left my side so many months ago. When he left, I knew in my heart that I would never see him again. I felt the same as she walked away. She knew the same, too, judging by the look in her eyes and the tear that fell down her cheek as she walked away.
Today...was a good day. Me and Kira got the precious gift of time alone. Falling back upon old habits, we utilized the hours to their full extent. We forgot about the urgency for the time being and just...focused on each other for once. I was genuinely happy, and can say I genuinely smiled. But in these after-hours, I can't help but feel the same urgency I've been feeling. Anxiety swells my throat. I clench my fist, hoping with all of me that I can achieve what need to be done.