The cool, five-am air fills my senses and wakes me up from my coma. I smile up at the waking sky, overcast in shadow, dancing in a pure indigo-white light. It feels...like the old days. Laughing, dancing, childlike movements...It's so silly...all this time, and I'm still wishing I could show it to you. The thought reflects like a cloud in the back of my mind. I close my eyes, and breath in the sweet scent of wet crunching grass, the fresh blooming berries. These moments, even though they make me feel insignificantly small, make me actually believe that I am...alive. Alive! Not cold and stale, but breathing, warm, moving...living. They remind me I'm not just a distant observer, lifeless and machine-like. That I'm not an algorithm.
Do you remember that time, love? Summers ago...It was sweltering hot inside, but a perfect desert wind blew outside. We sprawled across the blanket-like grassed that was moistened by a soup�on of dew. We took an extension cord, and listened to The Cure. You trailed your soft, flawless fingers across my chest, and told me you loved me, and I told you the same. There were no defences, no masks, no clay, no hiding from the truth...everything was perfect. We laughed and wrestled, like children. Like two little boys, forgetting anything existed beyond that tiny plot of grass and trees. For those eight hours, all the scars were lifted, and the pain went away. That small amount of time with you...were the happiest moments of my life.
So I stood there, arms thrust back and head towards the sky. I could hear Love Song brushing against the tips of my hair, and his arms loosely hung across the back of my neck. I held myself on the tips of my toes, allowing myself to drown inside such a perfect memory. "Hey," My perfect glass bubble shattered at the shrill, shrew voice of my relative calling out my name. I lethargically titled my head to the side and nodded to signal that I was paying attention to her demand to lock the house up as she left. I looked back up at the sky, depressed as the intrusive egg yolk yellow light poured over the horizon, scalding the scenery.
I walked slowly back inside, coming off the memory high, as if it were an absolutely perfect orgasm. I wrapped myself in a blanket as I lifted the phone to make a wake up call to Kira as I watched Cowboy Bebop. Some simple kind of hope saturated, lingering happily around my brain for the rest of day.
Hope, because if I could feel truly alive for a simple moment, then maybe it's true...